What's a girl to do when she wants to enjoy a night on the town and kill it in heels? This is the dilemma of every woman who has attempted to sashay her way down the Las Vegas Strip.
My friend and former colleague Nicole Levine was recently in Vegas seeing shows, lounging by the Bellagio pool, losing money at craps and "discovering the obscenely indulgent miracle that is the fois gras candy bar."
When in Vegas, do as everyone does -- people watch. Nicole couldn't help but enjoy observing as girls stumbled, wobbled and tottered along in dangerously high stilettos. She wrote a hilarious post on her Facebook page and I just had to share it with you here.
Which walking strategy would best describe yours? I think I've been a repeat offender of the "F These Shoes."
***
What I Learned in Las Vegas
By Nicole Levine
What I learned in Las Vegas: I will only wear shoes I can walk in. You think that your shoes are so fabulous, that no one will notice you clearly want to die trying to walk in them. That is untrue. Sky-high platforms are a thing right now, and they are lovely -- but I saw maybe three women in 100 who actually managed to rock them and walk in them.
I identified the following five walking strategies. I have occasionally been guilty of some or all of these:
The Hunch and Lurch
Often accompanied by skin-tight dresses, the technique is to hunch the shoulders forward, bend slightly at the waist and CLOMP CLOMP CLOMP with the occasional teeter. This one is particularly fun to watch when they try to walk fast.
The Pigeon Toe
Many girls tried turning their toes in extremely far and this was occasionally accompanied by the hunch and/or lurch.
The Hold On For Dear Life
Walking along, sometimes using a combination of the above, with a death grip on a concerned-looking husband, boyfriend -- or a girlfriend in a similar predicament.
The Slow and Steady
Taking fairly perfect steps, but at a snail's pace. Some of the subjects I observed Saturday night leaving the hotel elevator might be close to reaching the casino floor by now.
The F These Shoes
Kick 'em off and carry them.
So, next time I am shopping for fancy shoes, I will try to remember these rules and buy something I can walk in. Or, not and provide amusement to everyone.
Painting by Kelly O'Neal. (Culture Vixen)
