Sunday, May 1, 2011

Tug of war

OK, so I missed TWO ENTIRE MONTHS of entries (oh the shame!). March and April just came and went. Since I re-entered the workforce, I haven't had much time to do any personal writing. The stuff that nourishes my soul. Like here on this blog.

Though I love being a working mom, it's a constant tug-of-war with finding that balance between career and motherhood. Most days, my life feels balanced. My brain, talents and ambition are adequately engaged and fueled. My family life is filled with love-- a husband who is my best friend and two adorable kids who are a result of a happy marriage. Then there are those days where I feel like I'm doing nothing right. I feel like I'm failing at everything. I sit at my desk and miss my kids. Or I'm playing with my kids (and dare I say it-- I'm bored to tears) and want to be sitting at my desk, writing and editing.

Grace. You need to give yourself a lot of it when you're a modern woman. On this journey, I've learned to give guilt the middle finger and do a lot of praying, dreaming, hoping. The last thing I want to do is spend my life thinking about all the things I didn't get "right" as a mother, as a wife, or as a writer, an editor, friend, daughter, citizen, activist, or (fill in the blank).

But maybe that tug-of-war is what makes life interesting. That tension is what keeps my story a page-turner. The plot continues to thicken as my choices and circumstances become more complex, more intense, deeper, more meaningful...