Thursday, July 25, 2013

Wanted: Beer cart girl

What makes a good beer cart girl? A "great personality," someone who's
around the golf course often and keeps the beer ice cold. It also helps
if you look like a Playboy centerfold and have big boobs. 

As an out-of-work, unemployed journalist working toward my New York City dream job, I've been on the hunt for a writing gig while here in Cleveland. Let me tell you, the pickings are slim [insert frowny face here].

Though times are tough, both on my ego and my skinny pocketbook, I've managed to cobble together a sense of humor about my job search. While freelancing, networking and searching the Internet for editorial positions and pay-the-bills/part-time type jobs, I've come across some winners. Check out these gems from Craigslist.**

For those with no self-respect:

What this posting really wants to say: "A nice rack will help you get the job."

"Join our exciting team and start making lots of money!" while bouncing around half naked.

I love how a "national magazine" has contracted this person to shoot a layout for there
their November 2013 issue. By the way, race, color and nationality "dont matter."

For those who have fast fingers and want it "too easy":

I'm convinced the person who posted this is a failed poet or really bad rapper. Or both.

For bloggers (which includes everyone and their dog): 

What exactly makes someone an "energetic blogger?"

For those who don't mind exposure to a rare, but often fatal, paralytic illness:  

Firstly, this poor soul needs some serious help with capital letters, punctuation,
spelling and run-on sentences. Secondly, is botulism contagious?

And finally, for those who are bootylicious:

Girls with flat asses need not apply...

**Note to readers: Never look for a legitimate job on Craigslist. But you knew that already.