The new abnormal

 

New York in the time of coronavirus. 

The memory of riding the subway before this dreadful pandemic evokes mixed emotions. How on earth did I not wear a mask before? How was I okay with breathing in everyone's germs? 

This is our new abnormal, folks. 

Why masks work. (Healthline)

100,000

Words cannot even begin to express...


Remembering. (NYT)

Come back, New York

Have you been looking through old photos? Longing for a time pre-pandemic? This is me on the steps of The Met in 2012. Look at all those people not wearing masks and not social distancing! I am grieving for a New York I had no idea would vanish overnight.

There is comfort knowing New Yorkers are collectively grieving. Though we can't gather and embrace and cry together, reading these heartfelt love letters are like a balm for my soul.

• Forgive me, New York, as I forgive you. (NYT)
  
• We miss dollar slices, rats and La Guardia. (Man Repeller)

• We miss museums. (The New Yorker)

• The crowds, the big-ticket blockbusters that were a subway ride away, "just everything." (NYT)

• What hardcore New Yorkers really miss. (NYT)

• We miss going to the movies. (The New Yorker)

• What this former New Yorker now Angeleno misses. (NY City Woman)

• We miss the sounds of New York. (New York Public Library)

• After this is over, I'm going to... (NY Daily News)

A list of broken dreams. (Vulture)

Is fashion even relevant right now?

Day 50-whatever in quarantine and I wonder what's the point of having more than one outfit besides pajamas (PJs count as an outfit, right?). I've been wearing the same thing every day: black sweatpants and a blue flannel button down. Sometimes my quarantine outfit doesn't smell very fresh because of whatever I cooked the night before. I have no shame. 

If I don't feel like getting dressed I will stay in my favorite pajamas, pictured above. It's coke bottle glasses most days. My make-up brushes have been neglected for weeks. Lipstick seems like an irrelevant luxury (why bother when you'll be covering up with a mask?). The hair? I'm letting it grow like a mermaid's and letting the white hairs have their way.

It begs the question: is fashion even relevant right now?

The pandemic is putting a lot of things into perspective. Before coronavirus my lens was wide angle: I took the world in, curious and full of hope, always anticipating an adventure. Now that lens is in sharp focus: survival. When all of humanity is in lockdown, there's little bandwidth for designer dresses, $100 moisturizer or getting your nails done. These things seem trivial, even frivolous. 

These days, there is liberation in letting go of my past grooming behavior. But I do miss dressing up. I miss swiping Nars Schiap on my lips. I miss wearing heels and clutching a cute purse. I look at pre-pandemic photos and think, "Wow, that was the old me."

What's the point of a fashion magazine? (NYT)

We're all grieving

What kind of emotions are hitting you as you shelter in place?

The world is changing so fast I have whiplash. It feels like the month of Forevuary (the days just melt into one another) and though it's temporary I know things will never be the same. There was BC (before coronavirus) and there will be AD (after the devastation [of Covid-19]). 

Everyone keeps saying things like, "When life goes back to normal," and "After all this is over," but I don't think there will be such thing. Normal is never coming back. Just like going to the airport was forever changed after 9/11. 

When sheltering in place is lifted, I will think twice about putting my teenage kid on the subway. I will wonder how many germs are circulating in the coffee shop where I'm writing. I will weigh the pros and cons of attending a concert, going to the farmers market, eating in a crowded restaurant, getting on a plane.    

This is hitting me and I am grieving.

But life cannot and should not go back to the way it was. This is a wake up call. This is our chance to make change. We need to do better because it hasn't been good for a lot of people way before coronavirus.     

Where do we go from here? The experts say grief happens in stages, with acceptance being the last step in the process. This is happening. I have to figure out how to proceed. "Acceptance, as you might imagine, is where the power lies. We find control in acceptance," says David Kessler, the world's foremost expert on grief, in an interview with Harvard Business Review.

I'm not quite there yet but I have faith I will get to a place of acceptance and forward movement. For today, I acknowledge that I'm sad and anxious and nostalgic for simpler days. 

  
  

That discomfort you're feeling is grief. (Harvard Business Review)

What I miss

Spring in full bloom

Something dies but something new is born - which is why the chaos of our times is, in a strange way, a sign of hope; something new is being born within. Out of chaos, a star is born. Breakdown can be break through if we recognize a new pattern of life struggling to emerge.
-Ilia Delio, Franciscan sister and scientist

New York sees signs of hope. (ABC News)

Covid-19 resume

I think I need to follow to Matthew's lead and update my resume. 


"I'm scared to go to work." (Business Insider)

Grocery shopping during the time of coronavirus

Going out for food runs has become an event. It's often the only time we go outside, unless we're out for family walks, and now takes the place of things we enjoyed pre-pandemic: eating at restaurants, going to the movies, visiting museums, taking the kids to the park.

Every time we enter a grocery store or our neighborhood bodega, I say a prayer of thanks. I'm grateful we're able to buy food and that the shelves are always fully stocked (except for the toilet paper - six weeks into the pandemic and how are people still hoarding the TP?). I'm grateful to the grocery store workers who show up every day and risk their health so I can shop. 

We've got our errand-running down to a system: our favorite grocery store in Chinatown for produce and specialty Asian items, Trader Joe's for frozen meals, Whole Foods for bratty things like Justin's Peanut Butter and soy-free vegan mayo and butter, the bodega for one-off items like OJ or eggs or laundry detergent, and the new neighborhood market for paper products (they always have toilet paper and I'm not telling you where!).

I've got my shopping list up on my phone, yet I find myself browsing the beauty and health sections of the store. Looking at scented lotions and lipsticks and bath salts. I have no use for these things in my life right now. Yet I'm drawn to them. Maybe to feel some sort of normalcy? 

How about you? Has grocery shopping become an eventful occasion? Or perhaps something you dread?


Diary of a grocery store worker during the pandemic. (NPR)

Quarantini

Tonight's quarantine cocktail. Be safe and find moments to relax, my friends. 


Ina's happy hour for the win. (Grub Street)

Grieving for my sick city

I'm an urbanite to my core and this idea of "social distancing" (though absolutely necessary right now) is devastating to me. To live in a city like New York is to trade private space for public space. It means depending - and thriving - on interdependence.

I don't have a dining room but that's OK because I am lucky enough to patronize my neighborhood's restaurants and bars. I don't have storage space but that's OK because everything I need is at my bodega. I don't have a home office but that's OK because I can work at coffee shops. But now all of these supports have disappeared for the foreseeable future.

The first time I moved to New York I was 26 and about to start graduate school. Six weeks later it was 9/11. My heart broke for this beautiful city but I saw her rise from the (literal) ashes. I witnessed the incredible resilience of everyday New Yorkers. I moved back for the second time this past summer, this time with my husband and two kids (it was my dream to come back and raise my kids here). Nine months later we are wrestling with this virus. Schools are shut down and everyone is on edge and now the mayor is seriously considering a citywide lockdown. But I know, deep in my bones, WE WILL GET THROUGH THIS.

Sending you love and elbow bumps from NYC. 


Photo of The Oculus by Victor J. Blue for the NYT.
For those who revel in urban life, it's hard to believe it can just stop. (NYT)

Sunday afternoon walk

East Broadway as seen from the Manhattan Bridge. God, I love this city.


History of the Manhattan Bridge.

Today is the Big Day (#SHSAT)

My kid is taking the New York City high school entrance exam as I write this. He's probably answering the last five or six questions on the math section. His favorite part.

For those of you living in the city with middle school-age kids, you understand why my cortisol levels have been off the chart this morning (I'm sure yours have been, too). I keep checking the time, wondering how he's doing, if he's calm or freaking out. If he thinks the test is less difficult than he thought, or if he's like, "F*ck, this is hard!" 

I have mixed feelings about the Specialized High School Admissions Test (also known as the SHSAT, or "Sshh-Zat!" - said with emphasis on the "Z," like my 13-year-old pronounces it). Ever since we started this journey it has been a source of great expectation and great anxiety. I had a good cry this morning, after Caden left for school. The day started off as any other - got the kids up, made them breakfast (ham and over-easy egg on an English muffin). Izzy usually eats first, then walks to school with daddy. Caden has breakfast after little sister leaves. He was in good spirits. His usual unaffected teenage self, checking his text messages and watching TikTok videos while munching on his egg muffin. He left the last bite untouched, said he was finished and put on his backpack. I gave him a huge bear hug and my baby was out the door. I said goodbye and watched him descend the stairs to the apartment's foyer and out the building. I shut the door and had a good cry.

I wasn't expecting to engage in a full on ugly cry. The tears and snot just flowed. I guess it was release? Releasing him to the world and releasing all the anxiety, hope, expectation and preparation that has gone into this journey - all culminating in this one single day?

This year more than 27,000 New York City eighth graders will take the high-stakes and controversial SHSAT. How you perform on this exam is the sole criteria for admission to one of the city's eight selective public high schools - Stuyvesant, Bronx Science, Brooklyn Tech and five others. Caden's top choice is Stuyvesant High School. Last year 22,338 students applied. 776 seats were offered. You do the math.

Many families here see the test as the golden ticket to a world-class, first-rate high school education. But with every potential opportunity comes its flip side: pinning hopes and dreams on ONE EXAM is a lot of pressure. Caden has told me about friends of his who have been prepping for the test since 4th grade. The fourth grade?! When we arrived in New York this summer, Caden pretty much jumped in at the deep end, submersing himself in everything SHSAT - going to tutoring twice a week, studying and taking half a dozen practice exams. That was four months of prep. Preparing for four years just sounds crazy. But this is New York. Everything is turned up to 15 around here.

If your kid's SHSAT results don't make the cut - or if your child opts out of the exam - there are some 700 high school programs to chose from throughout the five boroughs. Thumbing through the 2020 NYC High School Admissions Guide is like looking over the menu at Katz's Deli - so many, too many, options! We were standing in line at a high school open house last night and my first thought was, "This is so stupid!" The line was practically three blocks long, wrapped around 8th Avenue and 42nd Street. Nervous parents behind me were discussing the SHSAT and other high school options. "Are you looking into private schools, too?" one parent asked the other. "Yup. Gotta have back ups!" she said. Private high school is a feasible "back up" if you have the $24,000 a year for tuition. 

I think what gets me most about the way school is done here is the complete lack of diversity. Black and Latino students are grossly underrepresented at the specialized high schools. In fact, segregation has been the story of New York City's schools for 50 years. "It wasn't supposed to be this way in New York, one of the country's most diverse cities with more than 8 million people and 800 languages," producer Sweta Vohra writes in The New York Times. "And yet, it has one of the most segregated school systems in the nation." It's why the SHSAT is a controversial and anger-inducing and opinion-generating lightning rod. The mayor wants to get rid of it. Lobbying groups like the Education Equity Campaign want to keep it. White and Asian parents say dismantling the SHSAT would disproportionately hurt their kids. 

It's 1:14pm which means my son is done with the exam. He's probably eating lunch with his buddies, discussing which parts of the test were easy, hard, etc. Maybe they're not even talking about it. Moving on to more important topics: girls, Fortnite and Halloween plans.

Whatever happens now is out of my hands. That's the thing about life. You can control only so much. You have a goal, a dream, a vision. You make plans and prepare. You execute to the best of your ability. Then you wait, pray and release the rest. I told Caden last night before bed, "I'm proud of you. You're shooting for the stars, you committed to this and worked really hard. No matter what the result, you have already succeeded!"  

First day of (a new) school

And all the parents in New York said, “Woot woot!!” 
•
But seriously, this is a big day and a big year for these two - brand new schools in a new city, making new friends, meeting new teachers, navigating a new campus and learning where and how they fit in in their school culture. 

It’s exciting and scary to start all over again. I’m so proud of my bear cubs!


Back-to-school tips for parents. (The Onion)

Hilma af Klint is badass AF

Mind blown by Swedish artist Hilma af Klint (1862-1944), whose paintings were amongst the first abstract art. Little known during her time, af Klint insisted her work remain a secret until at least 20 years following her death (she said the world wasn’t ready for them).

Fascinated by the spiritual realm, she gathered with a small group of women she called “The Five” - they would meditate, pray and read the New Testament together, then hold seances to try to commune with spirits (quite a departure from her days as a Sunday school teacher on the family farm!). 

On one occasion, The Five received a message from an otherworldly being - who told them to produce paintings that illustrate the spirit world. Af Klint was the only one to accept the task, calling it “The Great Commission.” She began “The Paintings for the Temple” in 1906, which led to a series of 193 paintings and works on paper - with more than 170 currently displayed at the Guggenheim.

Af Klint saw her work filling a round building, where visitors would progress upward along a spiraling path, on a spiritual journey defined by her paintings. Some believe Frank Lloyd Wright’s design for the Guggenheim was perhaps inspired by the temple af Klint envisioned. Destiny, or coincidence?

What a treat to see with my own eyes, the work of a badass trailblazing woman. Light years ahead of her time.

Why Hilma af Klint is the perfect artist for our time. (artnet)

Rebirth

Five fun things

We're in the middle of a deep freeze here but I refuse to let that dampen my spirit. Here are five fun things that happened this week. Because sharing is caring, after all.

love, -j.

***

Neon orange lipstick (see above), because why not?

Marc Jacobs and the close of NYFW, written with heart. 
(Man Repeller)

Eight fun Instagram accounts. (Cup of Jo)

These breathtaking government buildings are a testament to architectural achievement. (Slate)

James Corden drops another fantastic carpool karaoke bit, this time with Sia.


Slate link via Girls of a Certain Age.

Love and freedom (#Sept11)

On this 14th anniversary of September 11, let us remember that love and freedom will always reign.


Remembering two New Yorkers I met after 9/11.
Why I will never forget.
Explaining Sept 11 to a 5-year-old.

Dream big

Never give up.

Snaps from NYC

New York City is the same fantastic wonderland every time I am there. The best part of our family trip this past Fourth of July was sharing it with my daughter for the first time.

Here are some photos from our visit. Enjoy!

Arriving at my best friend Alexis' apartment. Don't we look like we're moving in?

Good morning, New York!

Tanking up on buttermilk pancakes and bacon for breakfast. Then off to our first destination: the top of the Freedom Tower!

Breathtaking! (These views convince me that New York City is our world's Coruscant. Fellow Star Wars nerds, you're welcome for that reference.)

Family portrait from the top of the world:

Alexis and the kids take cute selfies. And Caden does one of his favorite things of all time: photobombing!

Izzy's first subway ride (she loved it!):

Enjoying some down time in Central Park.

Getting together with our LA friends, Melvin and Lila, who moved to NYC from California nine years ago. I think you can call them New Yorkers now!

We had to introduce Izzy to the craziness that is Times Square. As you can see here, she's amazed by it all!

Waiting for fireworks in Brooklyn:

Manhattan from the East River. Three photos. Same spot. 

Hope you and your family had a fabulous Fourth of July!!

Did you try any of these DIY outfits for the 4th of July? (BuzzFeed)