Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Oscar fashion 2012: Yawn

Rooney Mara looked like the girl with the dragon tattoo who cleaned herself up
to walk down the Red Carpet. Perhaps a departure from her film character
would have been more original? (Illustration: Alice X. Zhang)

So the Oscars is supposed to be the Super Bowl of fashion, right? Well, this year there were no touchdowns. In fact, I think it was one of the most boring displays of Oscar fashion ever. Everyone played it safe. And you know what they say: No risk, no glory. 

I certainly don't claim to be a fashion expert. But as a lover of clothes, shoes, jewels and anything beautiful to the eye (give me glitter, shimmer, sparkle, shine!), I appreciate when a woman puts some effort and inspiration into what she wears. 

"Go for the gold!" is what this year's biggest Oscar fashion offenders must have thought when they picked their gowns. See Stacy Keibler's liquid-gold Marchesa dress, for example: 

"I'm not going home with an Oscar," perhaps Miss Keibler thought to herself. "So I might as well look like one." The former WWE wrestler has a sweet, beautiful face and a killer body. I think she would have looked fantastic in this lavender Nina Ricci number:


And what about Meryl Streep, who took home the Oscar for her performance as Margaret Thatcher in The Iron Lady:

Ugh. It looks like tacky gold drapes from a tacky hotel room in Vegas. Sorry Meryl. I love you, but this Lanvin frock has gotta go. I would have dressed you in this gorgeous, beaded gown from Valentino (but without the see-through sheer aspect):

OK, onto Jessica Chastain. 

There's just too much going on in this Alexander McQueen gown. Yes, I appreciate the hand-embroidery. But somehow, the colors don't look right on Jessica. I think the red-headed actress would have looked fabulous in this shimmery green dress by Elie Saab, don't you?

Now, what's not to love about Sandra Bullock? And her choices in Oscar dresses are usually spot-on. But this year, I'm sorry to say that everything about her Marchesa gown was wrong, wrong, wrong.

Ill-fitting and too boxy on top. And again, what's up with the Caesar's Palace gold leafing? Yuck. Sandra, let's try something like this next year (from the Giorgio Armani Spring 2012 collection):

Emma Stone went from up-and-coming starlet to full-force fashionista. But I'm not convinced she lived up to her reputation in this Giambattista Valli creation:

The deep red color is gorgeous. But that bow! The bow is wearing her. She looks like a Christmas present. My pick? This beautiful mustard-yellow gown by Elie Saab:

You probably didn't see Miley Cyrus' red carpet entrance. And for good reason:

The girl is only 19, yet this Roberto Cavalli dress makes her look matronly. Perhaps the Disney darling was hoping to channel an Old Hollywood vibe. But unfortunately, she just looks old. The color is drab and the embroidery looks like cheesy applique. A woman on the verge of her 20s should have more fun at the Oscars (Gucci Spring 2012, for example):

Speaking of having fun, I usually can't wait to see what Zoe Saldana wears to any awards function. She's gorgeous, smart and fierce. This Oscar choice (Marios Schwab), however, was anything but gorgeous, smart or fierce:

The dress is just weird. It wants to be a gown, but had second thoughts and decided to be a shift. And the Swarovski accents on her hips look like claws coming out of her pockets. I would have much preferred this Oscar at the Oscars (Oscar de la Renta Spring 2012 collection):

And lastly, Berenice Bejo. I absolutely hated this sea-foam green beaded dress by Elie Saab:

That color is awful and it makes her skin look orange. Like she got a fake tan right before walking the red carpet. Perhaps this Vera Wang would do the trick and make her look like the Oscar-nominee that she is.

Here are some more gorgeous fashion-forward dresses from the Spring 2012 collections. I would have loved to see some of these daring dresses on the red carpet:

Zuhair Murad


Jason Wu


And finally, Versace

Ladies, next year let's hit a home run. Inspire us, embolden us, and encourage us to take risks. We may not be on the red carpet or catwalk anytime soon, but we sure can find our inner fashionista and strut like one!